Erg!

From Tuesday, May 04, 2004

So goes my war cry. Yesterday was a depressing sullen day. I haven't cried that hard in a while. God, all this sad stuff is getting to me even, I don't know how anyone else can stand to read it. But, the idea here is that I say what's happening and how I feel. I can only assume eventually I will have mostly or all good things to write here, but as for the moment, I just don't feel much good. Noddy, or the cat I thought was Noddy, was once again not him. The cat looks, sounds and acts a lot like him with a few minor exceptions. Fur is too long to be him, tail too busy, he's a bit bigger in size than Noddy and no pin in his back leg. I hoped so much that it was him I think I had just convinced myself it was. Not to be repetitive but...it broke my heart when I realized it wasn't him.

 The cat is homeless though and we have considered taking him in. Tonight however, I realized he is in heat and he was doing a bit of unintentional spraying and as I don't want my house smelling like cat pee or my other male cat Squeek to start a spraying contest, I sent him back outside for now. I can't afford to get him fixed at the moment, so we will just have to see if he sticks around. If he does, ok, we'll have another cat. If we find Noddy, it will be four cats. Two of them will be black, but it will be easy to tell the difference.

 I have little hope of finding Noddy now but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. There's still a possibility that he is back at our old place. I still need to talk to Linda, the lady I call fondly "Cat Lady." She is the source of Noddy's origin. I mean that it's her mother cat that she took in that had Noddy. Noddy was found in our garden with a broken femur bone because he had been in a car under the hood, at least that is what we have surmised from his initial injury. So, she takes care of all his brothers and sisters. If he has gone back there she will know but she has been out of town for a while. She's due back in the next couple of weeks I think, but I don't know for sure. I had asked her son to keep an eye out for me but I don't know that he is doing that. Linda however, will most assuredly keep an eye out because she likes me. She knows I love cats as much as she does and she was so grateful when I realized where Noddy had come from and told her. I just wish she would come back already. It's so fucking frustrating!

 Getting away from all that though, I was going through a bunch of pictures that I have and found the set of me from when we were shooting for my original album cover. I think I'm going to scan a few and put them up. It will be something different. I'm not fond of having my picture taken so really there are so few available that I need to put as many as possible up for some variety. People might find them interesting.

 I still haven't heard back from the unemployment people about my benefits. I can only assume I will be getting them. Here's hoping. I have to make "three contacts" this week though about a job. I don't know how they expect that many job inquiries. There aren't that many jobs I'm qualified for. In all honesty, I would be better off going back to school right now and getting a part time job but we can't afford that at the moment.

I've noticed my web site is down...kinda sucks when you don't pay the bill to the server people. For some reason they expect money to keep the service going the crazy capitalist bastards. Oops. Hm, for now I guess I will stop writing. Perhaps I'll post some of my poetry up here. Who knows.

I hope things start looking up for Chris and I. Life is just too damn frustrating for me right now. I'm sure there is a lesson in all of this to be learned. Frankly, I knew I was stupid already at times, I didn't need to lose my cat to know that. People make mistakes, I just wish I could stop paying for it. I think I've done my time on loss. Someone, one that's all knowing, needs to give me a break and cut me some slack sometime soon. I guess time will tell all, but I wish time would hurry the fuck up. It's annoying.