The Great and Wonderful Snorkle

A little over 7 years ago, I nearly ran over a little orange ball of fur. I started this journey by shooing my cat Squeek out from behind my tire, but I did not know anyone else had crawled under there. I pulled out of our driveway at the old house, making some sort of gasping sound when my lights crossed over an orange ball sitting in the driveway. It had looked far too soft to be a toy so I got out and looked.

'It' was a kitten of undetermined age, though clearly very young. It's eyes were sealed by goop, it's nose sealed by snot and it could only breathe out of it's mouth. Without a second thought I scooped up the little creature and plopped it gently on my shoulder and headed inside to the computer room near the back of the house.

Chris greeted me. "What is that?"

I muttered. "It's a kitten," quickly followed up with, "I'm going to make it well and then find a home."

Chris obviously didn't believe me as he admonished me. "We're not keeping that. Don't name the kitten, don't fall in love with the kitten."

"Sure," I said. "I just want to make it well. I promise." I handed the little fur ball to Chris and headed back to the store where bottle feeding options, wet food, and Vaseline to clear the goop from his nose were obtained. 

I came back to find the kitten on Chris's shoulder and couldn't help the smirk that crossed my lips. During the clean up of the kitten, I discovered it was a he. I fed him and made him as comfortable as possible.

Tired, I went to bed and was awoken a short time later by Chris who shoved the kitten into my face and proclaimed, "Meet Snorkle!"

In my sleepy state I had asked. "What happened to not naming the cat, not falling in love with the cat and not keeping the cat?" Apparently he had changed his mind. Obviously I was totally OK with that.

Snorkle couldn't meow. His voice was either damaged by the illness he had when I found him, or it never developed properly. Instead, he booped. It was the cutest and funniest sound. He would let us know things, with his boop. It was fantastic. He had petite, but incredibly strong paws, and his tail was fabulous and fluffy. 

Snorkle had slept in the crook of my knees for a while, but one night Chris stole him and snuggled with him. That started a bond between the two that was very strong. Every night Snorkle would go to bed with Chris and snuggle under the covers with him and made sure to groom him. He purred so loud I could hear him through the thick blanket from over a foot away. During the day he would sleep in my lap when Squeek wasn't there.

If I had cheese he would get a piece and he always escorted us to the refrigerator. He had to inspect it of course because it was his thing. Chris discovered he loved cheese puffs, french fries and popcorn, much to my chagrin, and would feed him french fries any time he had them; all under my looks of disdain. Snorkle loved it and would often help himself to the bags with fries in them if we weren't careful. For quite a few months he would sit on our shoulders until he just didn't fit any more. When he couldn't fit there, he would sit on the desk, or the back of Chris's computer chair much like Snoopy sat on his dog house. It was cute. I called him Snoopy Snorkle when I saw him doing that.

Sometimes he would lay on the floor, in the middle of a pathway, on his back with his back legs spread apart and front paws in the air. It made me laugh. He discovered how the door knob worked and if his paws didn't slip off, he would have been able to turn them! He opened cabinets, got under covers, and generally did as he pleased. If he hit his nose by accident, he would sneeze like crazy. When I fed the cats he would stand on his back legs, front paws up as high as he could get them and he would try to see what I was doing, sometimes tapping me or the counter. He was well behaved enough, but when he was in trouble his daddy had to call him out, he ignored mommy.

The boy was completely obsessed with boxes. Eating, Sleeping, fighting from within. If any new boxes entered the house, no matter how small, Snorkle would try to claim them as his. It was hilarious when the box would be tiny by comparison and he would still do his best to try and fit in one. He was crazy and so funny.

Any time I went to the bathroom he was there with me. Generally he was there to drink from the faucet. If it happened to be my shower time, he would hit me as I was trying to get in to warn me about the water. If I managed to get in before he could warn me, he would sit at the back of the tub and watch with his head inside the shower curtain. He was my little protector.

He came when Chris called "Boy!". Snorkle would follow Chris to the back door and go out exploring the yard while Chris smoked. He was there at the door when we came home and often he would escape outside just to go roll on the driveway or dirt. That was one of his favorite things. He would eat a little grass and come in unless I made him come in sooner.

When Chris came home there would be games; hide and go seek was a favorite of the two. Snorkle would sit in Chris's chair and Chris would go out to the hall and Snorkle would look for him over the top of the chair. Or they would play attack the hand. Chris would slide his hand or a finger over the top, or sides, of the chair and Snorkle would seek and attack. It was really fun to watch and for a cat he was quite good at the games. There was also the scooping up of Snorkle into Chris's arms to have a tickle fight of sorts. Snorkle would growl and kick but they both knew it was for fun.

When I became pregnant, Snorkle was there for me constantly. He would lay on my belly and purr loudly. He would lay with me for hours unless I had to go to the bathroom. Even then however, he followed me around. He sometimes hung out in the crib until we had to block it off completely cause Remy kept trying to eat the sheets.

After the baby came, Snorkle would hang close by but he wasn't sold on the baby. Eventually he started letting me know when something was up and he even started sitting in my lap with the baby there too.

I noticed Snorkle started breathing hard and coughing. Turns out these were asthma style attacks and very serious. When Snorkle was feeling at his worst he hung out, even when Fenris was kicking and ended up kicking him (gently) a couple of times. After a vet visit we gave Snorkle medication and he seemed to improve. A few weeks later he started having to open mouth breathe and I called the vet. We started him on steroids which helped a bit but eventually it started getting bad again.

I took him to the emergency vet the Saturday after Thanksgiving because I just couldn't watch him breathing like that anymore and to me at least, he looked swollen, or just 'off'. They immediately took him and put him on oxygen. That freaked me out but I was told to go home and they would call with news. I called 4 hours later and he had been doing better. When I called back again after another 4 hours he wasn't doing as well.

I was starting to get a bad feeling about the situation. Deep down I was struggling to keep my cool. Fenris was showing signs of being unwell. Handling a sick and crying baby while I was crying inside was difficult to say the least.

The vet did x-rays, and called us back to tell us there was fluid around Snorkle's lungs. That certainly explained why he looked swollen. After more conversations they withdrew some of the fluid and found it was blood tinged. This meant he had cancer or heart failure. I wasn't even able to carry on a conversation at this point, I was wailing. The vet seemed pretty sure it was heart failure. We told her we wanted to bring him home. We knew this was a death sentence and we wanted just a little time to say goodbye. They told us they had to stabilize his breathing which would cost us another $1k on top of the already very pricey bill we had.

It was one of the hardest decisions and I really wanted to spend the money we didn't have. We decided to go ahead and euthanize him because we couldn't afford their fee to stabilize him and we didn't want him to suffer. We took Fenris to my moms while we went to the vet. When we got up there Chris wanted to smoke; I assume he needed that because of the stress and grief. While I was waiting for him I saw a shooting star. It was the first one I had seen since childhood. I couldn't make a wish though it wouldn't have come true.

We went inside and they took us into a room. Shortly thereafter a tech came in with Snorkle and it was very apparent to both of us the tech had been crying. Just knowing someone else cared enough to cry made it harder and better at the same time. I did my best to stop crying to avoid freaking him out.

Snorkle was in a glass aquarium with a lid on it, it's how they had been giving him oxygen. They told us to take as much time as we wanted. After the tech closed the door behind him, I took the lid off and Snorkle immediately responded to my voice as I said hi. Chris and I both pet on him for a while and he even tried to come out of the aquarium to us. I felt horrible having to keep him in there but there was still oxygen and he needed it. When we both noticed he was struggling to breathe again we rang the door bell they had given us and pet him as much as possible before they came in. They brought him up to the table and laid him down. I couldn't help myself, I just kept on loving on him. I even put my head against his and kissed him and told him I loved him. He was purring so strongly. He purred literally until his heart stopped. Even then I just kept loving on him. I really couldn't bring myself to stop. It was so hard, leaving, knowing he would not be coming home with us. He was like Frodo to me. Frodo was another amazing kitty from my childhood... he was special in a different way from all my other kitties. Snorkle was another Frodo and there will be no other kitty exactly like either.

The first feeding without him was the worst. I cried over his empty bowl; having to pick it up to put it away. He wasn't there to stand next to me and head butt my leg to let me know he was there. He didn't come rushing out of the blinds to greet me upon my arrival home. He didn't try to sneak out while I was bringing a bunch of stuff in so he could roll all over the driveway. He didn't wake me up by curling up with me the next morning. And he wasn't there for one of the roughest weeks I've ever endured.

It's been 4 weeks since Snorkle passed. I have felt a huge void in my life since then. I love my baby and husband, and I love my other kitties but none of them could fill the void Snorkle left. It was just different. I still cry thinking about him sometimes. My heart still aches. I will always remember Snorkle for the joy, frustration, laughter and surprise he brought into our lives. He was like a little furry person and far too clever for anyone's good. I miss him and I love him and I know we made him as happy as he made us, and that is what I try to hang on to when I'm sad.

Snorkle, you were the best cat ever. You were great and wonderful, much like Oz, but without the curtain and the booming voice. I will never forget you or the joy and love and laughter you brought. My sweet little boy, you are forever missed.

Snorkle to the Rescue!

Today, Snorkle tried to rescue me from the shower. He often sits outside the shower on the rim of the bathtub and occasionally looks in on me from behind the shower curtain. Sometimes he'll lick my fingers and then rub his head against my hand if I offer it. And occasionally he'll paw at the shower curtain to get my attention or slap at me as I try to get into the shower. This is all normal Snorkle behavior. At the end of the shower he attempts to clean me, even though I'm already clean so I have to make sure I dry off quickly lest I have my feet cleaned again for me.

Today however he swatted at me as I tried to get in the shower and attempted to bite me which I assume is his way of keeping me from getting in. Then he sat on the edge of the shower and poked his head in as usual to peer at me. When that didn't work he tried his darnedest to meow. This cat can't meow, he never developed the ability to so he just sort of makes "ak" sounds and "boops" in place of the meow. But today, today he actually almost pulled off the meow he tried so hard!

I put my hand out for him to lick since he likes to do that and he was intense about it. He would lick my hand and then love on me, and then repeat the process. Since I was in a hurry I only let him do this a few times before pulling my hand back to me and then promptly rinsing it. Snorkle would not go away this morning. He ran from one side of the tub to the other, poking his head in the shower curtain on both sides. It made me laugh. I couldn't understand his fervor for getting me out. I mean, this process happened daily and he was used to it but for some reason, this morning, I was in danger and he had to get me out! To be fair, I am very clumsy, maybe he has cat intuition or something.

Eventually I did get out of the shower and he greeted me as though I had been away on vacation for weeks. He was attempting to clean me like I had never been cleaned. I am a big cat after all. I brushed my hand through his beautiful cream and orange colored fur to calm him. It worked a little. He continued to clean me until I managed to get dried off. I must tell you that being cleaned by a cat is no pleasant thing. Sweet, but unpleasant. Once I was dressed I turned on the water at the sink for him. This at least got him totally calmed down.

So yes, Snorkle to the rescue it seems!

Introduction Remy

From Sunday, May 24, 2009

One day after my dear Squeekie passed on, I felt very sad and very depressed. So I went by the pet store to look at the cats. I just can't help myself. Every time I go to the pet store I look at all the little babies in there.

There was an older kitten there and I fell in love with him. He was gorgeous. Black but with  marbled grays and whites mixed in a muted fashion. The eyes were as green as can be and reminded me so much of Squeeks. At the time, he was named Boo and he was wary of people who walked by the window. I asked if I could see him and after managing to coax him from the cage they had him in, he started rubbing all over me. That was it, I was done. My heart was breaking and I felt like this little baby could help repair it. I wanted another cat that was mine, and mine alone. Yes, Chris would pet him and love him, but he would be my baby just as Squeek was. He most certainly wouldn't be a replacement...just someone to take over where Squeekie left off.

I asked if it was possible to save him for me so I could come back and purchase him the next day. They did so and even though I was meant to come back the next evening, I went at lunch time and paid the adoption fee for Boo. After work I went and signed the adoption paperwork and of course, take him home. Unfortunately I forgot to bring a cat carrier and so they put him in box with holes and that is how he was transported.

We managed to get home and inside and I put him in the bathroom so he could acclimate. I ended up taking him out so Chris could see him and the other cats were shocked, and surprised. It was a little bit early for them, they too were grieving. That is the only thing I regret about getting Remy so quickly after Squeeks death.

Remy was placed back in the bathroom and I went often to visit him so he would feel comfortable and feel better about his new home. He was scared and spent a good portion of the first two weeks in the bathroom cupboards. He would come out if I was in the bathroom and he would rub all over me. I loved it.

I spent the first week or so trying to decide if I wanted to stick with the name Boo or if I wanted something else. I made a list, got opinions and in the end I decided on Remy. He immediately took to the name. It was rather amazing. Almost like he was happy with a different name. Honestly I can't describe how amazingly fast he took to the new name. After a couple of weeks I let him out and we started integrating him with the other two cats. Snorkle took to him, but was obviously still missing Squeek. Ana was just bitchy. She still doesn't really like him but she tolerates him. Snorkle adores him and they play and wrestle often.

It has been 4 months now and a few days and Remy is finally getting used to Chris but he visits me several times a night to lick my nose and face and love on me. He will sometimes come and sleep with me which makes me happy since I miss having my Squeekie Bear laying with me. Remy is nothing but love. He is not bad on purpose, he is just sweet. He even tries to rub on Ana until she gets bitchy to him.

Here is my new sweet baby boy. I love him very much and I hope things continue to progress as they have been.

Squeek: Le Chat est Mort, Viva Le Chat!

From Tuesday, January 20, 2009

On Sunday evening, approximately around 10:05 PM, Squeek passed away from liver cancer.

I guess around 6-7 months ago he began losing weight and because he was 13, I attributed this to his age. I never would have thought it meant he had a tumor eating away at him. The thought makes me so sad, I can't express it.

Squeek wasn't just a cat to me. He was my Squeeky Bear. My kitty cat teddy bear. He would cuddle me at night, sleeping right next to my face, the closer the better for him. Without fail he was there when I went to sleep and he would be there when I woke up. In the morning, I would give him a kiss, go to the bathroom for a shower where he would wait for me to finish. He was my sweet baby, when he wasn't being obstinate about something.

Near the end of September I was worried about him but I thought it was maybe just an bacterial infection or something. In October I went on my first work trip and Squeek appeared to be doing fine, with the exception of that original weight loss. I came back two weeks later and he appeared to a little thinner but no worse for the wear really, just seemed to miss me. I missed him too of course...I hate being away from my baby.

I had to leave for work travel once again two weeks later so off to Phoenix I went. During my time away I was keeping up with my family via my home computer's video camera. They couldn't see me but I could see them. It made my journey away a bit less harrowing. I saw Snorkle a lot, he seemed to pop into the room when he heard my voice. Squeek and Ana, far less so. When I came back from that trip, Squeek had lost enough weight for me to be really worried. I wondered if he was having separation anxiety. Cats are known for this, especially if their owner is gone for a significant amount of time. Naturally, we went to the vet at this time. They did lots of tests on him, including an x-ray searching for tumors. None were found. I was told all his organs looked really healthy and he didn't have FIV or Leukemia. The vet wanted to do an ultra-sound but I didn't see the point of that since nothing showed up on the x-ray. Assuming it was an infection at that point, he was given an anti-biotic. He improved a great deal, evening gaining weight but I had to leave again.

This time I was gone until nearly Christmas, another two week trip. When I came back he was good for about a week and a half and then he was running fevers and feeling ill. I called the vet hoping to get a refill on meds. I had to take him in once again and this time I saw my regular vet. The time before it was one of his younger doctors. This time the doctor pointed out that Squeek had Jaundice. I was naturally worried because I know this can kill. He showed me that the original blood test showed a higher number of Bilirubin. Normally, bilirubin passes through the liver and is excreted as bile through the intestines. Jaundice occurs when bilirubin builds up faster than a cat's liver can break it down and pass it from the body. Just in case you didn't already know that. The normal bilirubin in a cat ranges between .01 and .04, Squeek had .05 so it wasn't terribly high. The doctor was afraid it might be a tumor but hoped it was just a bad infection. He did give me more meds and I gave them to Squeek. It took about 3 days but he started looking better. The jaundice actually got worse but then it started receding. I could tell by shining a light through his ear. The yellow at once point was at the tip of his ear but then it started going back down his ear. I had high hopes.

When I called the doctor again he suggested fluids under the skin. I did this too for four days. Squeek was ok and then on Friday he jumped from my lap to Chris' chair. I guess he just wanted some alone time which I took to be a good sign. However, in the process of jumping, he missed with his back legs and his body slammed into the side of the chair. This made me cringe and coddle him, hoping it was just a one time thing. He started having more difficulty getting into chairs after that and I noticed a limp. By Saturday he wasn't eating nearly as much. Saturday night he didn't sleep with me. I pretty much didn't sleep that night, every noise woke me and I heard him struggle to go to the liter box which is in the secondary bathrooms bathtub. I got up and grabbed a spare liter box and set it up on the bathroom floor, I couldn't have him suffering. I found throw up of his food from a few hours before on the floor.

When I woke up at 9 AM Sunday to prepare for work I was so exhausted I felt nauseous. I checked on Squeek and worried. I wrote an email to my boss to tell him I wasn't coming in due to exhaustion and Squeek. He already knew things weren't going well. I picked Squeek up and brought him back to bed with me where he stayed for perhaps a couple of mins. I got back up and offered him food. He liked the smell, it interested him. He loves Tuna and I had been feeding him that fairly often recently. He took one lick and then went away. He wouldn't eat. He did however drink a ton of water. This kept him going for most of the day.

By early evening, he could barely walk, couldn't meow and was still refusing to eat. Chris even cooked him shrimp which Squeek adored more than Tuna and he smelled it but then wouldn't eat. He finally stopped even drinking water.

At one point, I grabbed a book and went to the living room and sat in his and my favorite chair. I pulled him onto my lap where he laid for hours. When he lost the ability to get up to go urinate I knew it was the end of the line for my poor baby. I cleaned myself up and changed and went back to the living room. That is where I found Squeek, on the living room floor, just staring and laying in a horribly uncomfortable position. I picked him up and headed back to the comfy chair where we sat for an hour or so.

Chris had been sleeping and I yelled to him. Thankfully he woke up and we had a talk about taking Squeek to an emergency Clinic for a peaceful death. Originally we decided to take him to my regular vet for this the next day. Squeek wasn't going to make it that long and I didn't want my baby suffering any more, no matter how much it was going to kill me. My heart was breaking...all day it broke a little more.

We finally made our way to the vet, me holding my limp baby who cried in a scared fashion several times. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want him to be scared just before dying. It ripped my heart to pieces. When we got there, I couldn't talk at all, I could only hold Squeek and cry. Some lady whose dog was on morphine (thankfully) grabbed a box of tissues for me. I don't think she knew what was going on with my situation but she obviously felt bad. Squeek finally noticed the dog and got scared all over again. I shielded his eyes and this calmed him down. Eventually I had to turn him towards the wall to resolve this issue.

They called us into the room and so I gathered Squeeky in my arms once more and walked down the never ending hallway. I started crying more and Squeek suddenly twisted and contorted, his paws shooting out and reaching for something but only finding air, and cried out. I couldn't figure out why but Chris and my mom both feel that perhaps the way I held him caused some shooting pain. I thought perhaps the smells made him realize where he was. I calmed him down and we reached the room where a towel was laid out. As instructed, I laid him down and began to pet him. He just laid there without moving.

The assistant took him away for a few mins to insert a catheter in his leg. When she brought him back he was sprawled out in what I can only assume was the more comfortable way for him to lay. We had a few mins before the doctor came in and I was able to tell him how much I loved him and how much I would miss him. I also told him that this was so he wouldn't suffer any more and he could find peace. He was only able to focus on me with one eye at this point and he seemed to respond to me. The doctor came in and explained what was going to happen. She turned him to where she could reach his paw and he was staring at me. I told him I loved him once again. She gave him a sleep anesthetic which basically made him sleep as if for surgery. After that, she injected what is effectively an anesthetic over dose and stops his heart. My baby was gone. She gave us a few minutes with him before taking him away to put him in a box for us. All I could do was pet him and pet him over and over.

Behind me, and a bit to my surprise Chris was crying too. Not that I thought he didn't care, I was just surprised to see that he was going to miss Squeek that much too. I just didn't know he cared that much for Squeek.

The doctor came back, collected Squeek and they put him in a box for us, closed his eyes and I assumed, curled him up a bit like a cat sleeping. I didn't look because I couldn't. They told me they would close his eyes but nothing about his positioning.

We took him home and placed him in the living room until bed time (many hours of drowning myself in TV to dull the pain) when I put his box in my office chair where he liked to sit if I wasn't there. Early this evening, we buried my baby in my mothers back yard after making a pine coffin for him. We built it around the box he was put in.

I don't have enough pictures or video of him. I spent so much time taking pictures of Snorkle I never thought to snap more of Squeek. This is something I will always regret but I will cherish the pictures I do have. I expected him to be around for quite a few more years. His spirit was so strong and so sweet, how could I have seen something like this coming?

And now I mourn for my baby called Squeek. He was the light of my life for 13 and 1/2 years.  I will miss him so much he will never know. He made my day when things were hard, he comforted me when things were bad, or I was ill. His hugs made me happy, his antics made me laugh, and his obstinate behavior at times made me angry, but most of all he made me love him. It's so hard for me to sleep now because he isn't here. There is a void in my life that is so blatantly obvious; and I try not to think about him because it only makes me cry for the loss of him. I have cried so much I think I shall run out of tears soon.

He can do what?

From Tuesday, January 22, 2008

This actually covers two of the men in my life. One is a little more furry than the other. :)

I was working on some music tonight and I have my headphones in because Chris has gone to bed. This weird noise keeps filtering through my headphones and I pause the music thinking wtf?. It's not the music because it keeps going after everything is paused. When I look around the room, I see little Snorkle stretched as far as he can go, one paw holding him up against the wall and the other one trying to turn the doorknob! I just about killed myself laughing until I realized it would wake up Chris. But seriously, wtf?? This cat is too smart for his own good.

For a long while now he would stand on the doorknob but now he's discovered that turning it will open the door for him so he was trying. He's just about 1.5 inches too short to get his paw on top of the knob. Damn he's cute!

So the second man would be Christopher of course. He has lost a lot of weight and he's still on the way down. I'm a little jealous except that he's cheating and not eating much. I'm taking the long way around of working out. Doh! But I'm proud of him and I think it's fantastic he's done such a great job. I curse him every time he puts a new hole in his belt. :D