Living with Celiacs Disease

Gluten is a word that is thrown around a lot these days. It's the newest fad in the food and diet world and as such, companies around the globe are jumping on the Gluten free train. Some people have an intolerance to gluten, some are just delusional and some people like me have Celiacs Disease, tested and diagnosed by a doctor. A lot of people think being on a gluten free diet will cure them of all their ills, even if they don't need it. It's become a bit of a problem.

You might be thinking that having this fad is great. More foods are becoming available, maybe costs will go down, etc.. Sure, that is technically true on the surface. The problem is, there isn't currently a standardized level of 'acceptable' gluten in gluten free foods so companies can label how they want to. Gluten free isn't actually gluten free in many many cases. The label may say gluten free and have some hidden ingredient that contains gluten. 'Natural flavors' may contain gluten, as gluten is a naturally occurring thing. I have to look at every ingredient on most of the foods I purchase to make sure it's OK for me to eat. That means I have to know the unsafe list of items by heart, or have the internets handy (or waste paper and print it out, whatever works). The only foods that are legitimately 100% g-free are very expensive to buy, generally 2, 3, or even 4 times the cost of the food most people eat. Ouch! 

Another fairly huge problem is that there are some companies targeting major products for g-free people that aren't actually gluten free. Companies like Dominoes Pizza, for instance, recently came out with a gluten free pizza. They are at least smart enough to warn you to not order if you have a severe intolerance or Celiacs. Having worked at Dominoes for three plus years, I can tell you it's not a good idea to order their pizza if your gluten reactions are strong. Flour gets everywhere in that place. They would have to constantly change gloves and aprons and seal themselves in a small flour free room to be truly gluten free. For people like me, it sucks knowing I can't have that. C'est la vie, eh? Trust me, I'll live.

'So why don't you make your own food from scratch?' you might be asking. Do you know how much time that requires? A crap ton, that's how much. I don't have that kind of time. Especially if someone happens to hate cooking and isn't particularly skilled at it, like me. Having an infant doesn't help, either. But, enough about my personal excuses.

One of the reasons g-free foods are expensive is the cost of supplies. Another is likely the cost of keeping it separate from gluteny goodness foods. Factories aren't cheap! One of my all time favorite candies (Reese's Peanut Butter Cups) happens to be g-free but it's made in a factory where the conveyor belts might have flour or a floury concoction to keep the candies from sticking. This is called cross contamination and cross contamination is the bane of my existence. Curse you cross contamination! I am so sensitive to this evil substance, I get sick from minor cross contamination like that mentioned just above. I also have to be aware of shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotions, anything that can somehow make it to my mouth. Pots, pans, plastics, etc. had to be replaced as well due to 'cooked in' stuffs. 

If I am that freaking sensitive imagine going to a restaurant. Not all cooks know about gluten, and waiters most certainly don't, in more than half the instances. Plus, the kitchens generally have contamination everywhere. Ask for special items (even from a g-free menu) you might get irritation, frustration or apathy from the server. This isn't always the case though, there are a lot of places that are kind to me and my ilk. I could avoid all this and just not go out to eat. Sure. It sucks and that's basically what I've decided to do for the most part but I have family, friends, events, birthdays, you name it. I can't always bow out. Well, that's not true... I could actually, but then I would be a hermit and people would hate me. That's just not cool, people. And, I can pretty much guarantee the trouble of finding a place I can eat with others frustrates us all.

Additionally, I've asked about the inclusion of gluten at many places, I've been to, and I get the OK for a food I was unsure about. Then within 20 minutes of eating I find out someone doesn't know what they are talking about. The rest of my day, or night is ruined. WARNING: The following details may be too personal or unpleasant. Do not continue if you are easily squeamish. 

I'll spare you the gory details but one person on a gluten free forum, comically described it as a V and D party in the bathroom. If you don't know what that means, I wouldn't bother looking into it further. Suffice it to say, it's a super painful experience, everything hurts for a while. Then, because the body can't actually process the gluten, the body slows down and a fast, extreme and full exhaustion overwhelms you. Then you bloat. All over. Noticeably. Grumpiness follows. And dehydration. Someone might gain weight (as is the case for me) for a few days/weeks and the icing on the cake, you break out like a teenager about to go to prom. 

It's a vicious cycle. Once gluten has been ingested, and the ill effects have taken hold, the exhaustion means getting home, taking care of my kiddo and generally falling asleep in my chair with no time, or energy for anything else. Plus, I have the added bonus of other medical things on top of this. My spoons run out really fast some days. If you have zero clue what I'm on about with spoons, I recommend reading the Spoon Theory. It's amazing. 

This disease kills the little hairs in the intestines or damages them. This means there is generally a problem absorbing important things from foods, such as vitamins and minerals. This also requires taking a lot of supplements to be 'normal'. If this stuff isn't caught properly a person could actually die from malnutrition. Granted, that would likely take a while to happen and you would think someone would catch it long before that occurred, but it took a number of years to figure out I had it, so you never know.

So, when I saw that Disney of all companies was poking fun at gluten I got mad. I happen to LOVE Disney, but this is not funny, it's not goofy and it's not a joke. I would say this especially in regard to kids who have to live with it. It's hard enough to deal with as an adult, kids do not need the added bonus of Disney making it OK to make fun of people with this issue. I can laugh at myself (and I very much do) but that's recent and it's mostly born from a discomfort of being such a pain to go out to eat with, or even eating at home in general. Don't make fun of something that is actually pretty serious.

My plea to the corporations out there either targeting gluten free people for the wrong reasons or with the wrong idea, or those who think it's cool to make fun of this serious issue, stop. Like I said, I can laugh at myself, and it's definitely funny to see caricatures of things, but leave the kids out of it at least and be less jerk-y about what you choose to embellish.

Being a 'Curvy' Girl in a not so Skinny World

In recent history, women have been slender, even boney as that look became the image of health. Eating disorders developed so that women could look like the advertisements and match up to the sex appeal that women in photos, magazines, billboards, TV and in the movies had. These were the women getting loads of attention and if you didn't match up (at least in one's mind) you would never achieve a mate.

Then, everything became about convenience. The faster you could get it the better. Food, clothes, toys, etc., you name it. It comes as no surprise that this kind of lifestyle has lead to 60+% of American's being listed as overweight or obese in 2011. (Article). I'm certainly not the first to explore this phenomenon and I won't be the last I'm sure. All this information merely serves as an appetizer to my actual point which is, I'm overweight but I am considered "curvy" by quite a lot of people I know. While I appreciate what they are trying to say, let's get down to the honesty factor here. I'm overweight.

Before about 9-10 years ago, I was very lean, but I was considered anorexic by anyone who didn't know me at all, and there were snide things said about me regularly by other females. I never cared, except when people assumed I had an eating disorder because I was thin. I was actually quite muscular and I was pretty athletic too. I roller skated weekly, when I got too old for that I went dancing several times a week. We're talking club dancing, but the kind where I would walk away from the dance floor sweaty because I had just basically done a cardio work out with more flair to awesome music in a place where I could drink too. I rode my bicycle a lot (less so as I got older, but still maintained the desire to ride). Still do for that matter. There was also cross country skiing, down hill skiing, various sports, outdoors stuff and everything else I was in to. I was even in multiple dance classes (real true dance) and gymnastics when I was very young. This meant I was always lean, and always hungry.

What I didn't realize is that I too adore convenience. I didn't think about food much more than 10 to 20 minutes before a meal. When I was a kid it was because I didn't have to. As I started to get older, it's because I was poor and ate whatever I could from my pantry and now, I just hate cooking so it's all about what I can make quickly. This doesn't mean that the reason I'm overweight is food. Not directly anyway. I actually love vegetables, fruits and I rarely eat the junk foods anymore except once a day or so.

I have Celiacs Disease. This means that I basically can't have foods with wheat, barely, rye and some oats and their by-products. You might be asking yourself "then what can you eat"? The answer is, not a whole hell of a lot in the modern convenience world.

As a child, I disliked a lot of foods. With the exception of Grilled Cheese sandwiches, I hated bread and I would always remove it from my sandwiches. It drove my parents crazy. I didn't like pasta, for the most part with the exception of cheese ravioli. I rarely ate or wanted to eat things that had gluten in them. I had zero idea what this implied. Back then, no one did really. It was pointing to the fact my body was already telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. Unless you have some unusual eating issue like Pica that makes you want to eat things you shouldn't you should listen when your body says 'don't eat that'.

9.5 years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who was selfish, judgmental and made me feel like crap about myself. It's my fault I stayed with this person and it's my fault I let their ridiculous comments affect me and how I saw myself. This person told me I was eating all the wrong foods and I was going to get fat, etc. I was often berated for my choices of snacks (corn tortilla chips and salsa - which is way better than the foods I ended up eating as far as calories and health go...),and chided for other foods I deemed yummy and edible. In the end, I broke and in my vulnerability I followed this person's advice. Worst advice ever.

What this person, nor I knew about me is that I had Celiacs and that I had been subconsciously listening to my body when it said don't eat these foods; as I mentioned above. Instead I ignored my body, and my better instincts and listened because I wanted to be accepted by this person. Frankly, even though it's ultimately my fault for not being strong enough to say 'go screw yourself', I blame this selfish jerk for making me feel like I needed to change to suit him. For the record, we ended up breaking up because I was tired of being chastised for my food choices and the end happened over a block of cheese. Crazy right? No. Smartest thing I ever did.

A lot of the issues started right away. Some took more time. The sleep issues started. I was waking up tired all the time, I was having issues concentrating and I was sick non-stop. Actually I had been sick often for a long time, but it got much worse after the food changes. After the sleep issues came the super weight gain. It didn't help that I was no longer working out as much because I was so exhausted all the time, or that I ended up getting a job where I sat on my rear all the time. Last but not least in the major changes category came the intense pain in my back.

At my worst weight I was nearly 220 pounds. It felt like people were judging me all of the time and I was so self conscious that I would effectively apologize for the fact I was overweight. Walking into walls has always been an issue but now I had even less judgment on how far I needed to be in order to avoid the walls so I bounced off them, painfully, all the time. My walk was weird because I was still walking like a slim girl and yet I would trip myself because I wasn't slender anymore. I hated the clothes I had to wear and became almost introverted because I had come to hate myself. I didn't want to feel like one of the people skinny folks made fun of. I didn't feel I deserved it because it wasn't something I had done out of laziness or pure convenience. My thought processes on this have changed a lot but that is how I felt at the time.

I have an hourglass figure and I have never shown my weight like other body types do. I have always looked smaller than my actual weight which is one reason people used to think I had an eating disorder. When I would tell people how much I weighed at the time, they always looked surprised. Honest to goodness surprise. I went on like this for a few years, topping out at nearly 220 as previously mentioned. Then came the migraine from hell, the migraine that went on for 50+ days before a doctor finally managed to figure out the trigger. Then this same doctor discovered I had Fibromyalgia. So began the medication trials. It is because of this 7 month ordeal, I will always refuse medication unless it's imperative I take it. I will never put my brain or my body through that again. These medications made me dumb. I forgot my name on one of them. Most just made me dull minded and I forgot the English language, something I had always been very well versed in. One medication made me gain more weight until I made the doctor change the dosage.

At the end of the 7 months, I was able to go back to work. I was doped up on so many medications, it was ridiculous. I struggled to maintain a semblance of my former intelligence. A year later when I had more illnesses related to the stomach and intestines they discovered I had Celiacs. The withdrawal from gluten was excruciating. The worst headache I had had since the insane migraine hit and lasted for more than a week. It was only when I started to eat the right foods and came off the withdrawal, that I started to notice an immediate change. I started dropping weight like it was clothing. I lost 35 pounds in a few months. Then I discovered Dr. Pepper again and my weight plateaued. I vowed to lose more weight but I was still tired and I couldn't shake the exhaustion. There were times when I would fall asleep at my desk. I say times... really I meant daily occurrences.

Another year and they discovered I had Sleep Apnea. All of these issues have actually been tied together as doctors/scientists have discovered. It's a "circle of issues" one has when one has Fibro. Most are genetic and while a person may not exhibit Fibro until a traumatic experience happens, it's still there waiting for it's chance in the world.

After discovering I had the Sleep Apnea issue and I started treatment, suddenly I had far more energy. My brain was feeling better but I didn't seem to be sloughing off the weight. What the hell was going on? Surely, seriously, I couldn't have another health issue. That would be overkill right?

Unbeknownst to me, I was suffering from a medication induced depression. Ah the true root of my dislike for medications surfaces! Yes, you caught me. My husband and I had planned to have a child and so I came off my birth control (as one does) to allow for getting pregnant. Within a week I was feeling wonderful! The most like my 20 year old self I have ever felt. I was super energized, I wanted to go out and do things all the time again. I felt social, creative, good, all the things I used to feel. And yet I was still overweight. But I didn't care anymore. No, that's not true. I cared, but it wasn't my main focus in life anymore. What an amazing feeling. I started dropping weight like no one's business again. I was truly becoming more like the "curvy" girl some people saw me as and less of the fat hog I had felt like for a long time. I suspect that had I not become pregnant, I would have continued to lose the weight but as it is, I am pregnant now. Ironically I lost 15 more pounds by week 15 of the pregnancy of which I am in week 16. I suspect that after the baby is born I will have the ability to lose even more weight, hopefully down to my target size of 135 where I was at 27. Healthy, but not anorexic looking.

The amazing part of it all is that I learned it's not always laziness that causes the overweight situation. Regardless of how much of it is health related however, there is always that little bit that you have control over and if you can get the stars to align as I did, losing the weight, getting to the point where you can work out again and moving on with your life can happen. You have to want it bad enough and understand you are just one person. Sometimes you need help. And while you may feel massive and self conscious all the time, love yourself. I have friends with the most amazing self confidence levels who are not skinny little things. Just don't fake it. People see through that.

Being a curvy girl in a not so skinny world is not a bad thing necessarily. As long as you are eating healthy and exercising, then love yourself for who you are and not for the person the media thinks you should be. Screw them, after all what do they know about being real?

Whomever said Pregnancy was Awesome, Lied or they Were High on an Epidural

Caution, this might be too much for some people. I use "it" in reference to the baby because we don't know what it is yet, so don't be offended.

Over the years I have been told by many women that pregnancy was beautiful and lovely and the best times of their lives. Either nothing was off during their pregnancies, or they were completely high on the Epidural and forgot what it was really like. It's not beautiful. It's uncomfortable, annoying, disgusting and tiring. The end results, I have no doubt are the most amazing thing ever. The fact I can grow something inside me like a super power is pretty amazing. Everything else feels like climbing a mountain while running a marathon while dealing with insane nausea and the need to go to the bathroom 20, or more, times a day. Seriously, the toilet paper companies must love pregnant women. Random gas stations, et al, probably do not.

I got the nausea 5 days after conception. (Conception date is according to my doctor.) I had it so bad it was all day every day and after day 6 I thought I had food poisoning so I went to the doc. I was asked if there was possibility that I was pregnant to which I responded "Why yes, there is. A very good chance in fact." Mind you, I didn't think that was the issue at the time. They did some tests, including blood tests and I found out that I was, in fact, pregnant. Having just had a miscarriage 2 months before I was dubious as to how it would go. I went to the OB doc and they confirmed with multiple blood tests. I was actually at the pathology place so much for the first two months, the phlebotomist would wave and greet me like an old friend. Good thing we liked each other!

It's pretty clear to me that this baby hates food. And sleep, but mostly food. It's a challenge for me to eat well on a regular basis because of the Celiac Disease. People are always apologizing about food not working for me when we go out to eat or when they bring nummy doughnuts into work, etc. I'm not trying to guilt people about the issue and I certainly don't need their apologies when I come across something I can't eat. It's no one's fault. I talk about the issue a lot, I am aware of this but it's like an obsession. Why? Because I always have to be aware of what is going into my mouth, onto my body (for cross contamination reasons) and how things are cooked. It's hard to stay quiet about it. However, I digress. I have lost 15 pounds since I became pregnant. Absolutely not complaining because of all the side effects, this is the best one. Aside from not really wanting to eat food, I'm limited, and then on top of that, the meat aversion hit. And then on top of that, the only things that have sounded good were potatoes, fruits and vegetables. This is mostly still the issue even at 15 weeks, but at least I can eat beef now. Moo. Again, I'm not complaining, at least now I'm hungry but it's a constant thing. No weird cravings, no desires to eat a ton, no desires to eat foods I don't normally eat. For that I'm thankful. The sensitivity to gluten has been much worse over all, however, so I have to be especially careful. It's just one of those things life throws at you and you have to learn to hurdle it or run it over and crash which I am pretty good at sometimes. Call it my clumsy nature. I prefer to hurdle, frankly less embarrassment and pain.

Sleep. I have no idea what this is anymore. I am well aware this is going to get worse and continue until many years down the road and I'm ok with that as long as I'm not stupid. I get stupid without sleep though. Forgetting words, things, places, names and probably my clothes if I didn't put them out on a nightly basis before going to bed. It's that moment of, "If my brain wasn't attached I'd forget it.". If you want amusement however, ask me questions while I'm in a certain state and then be prepared for the crazy things that come out of my mouth. Uncensored I'm pretty sure that if I don't offend, people will just laugh.

Gas... Women in general like to pretend this doesn't exist. It does. And when you are pregnant you could, quite honestly, probably propel a small vehicle of some sort with the amount of gas in your body. It's not pleasant but it's a fact of all the hormonal changes wreaking havoc on well, you. All I can say is if a pregnant woman ever burps stupidly loud or perhaps a particular olfactory quality fills the room, be forgiving, she cannot help it.

Honestly, I don't mind having to go to the bathroom 20 times a day. It's the way it happens. I can go hours without needing to go but then suddenly I have to go. Now. And then within a 20 minute time frame, I have to go 3-4 more times. At the very least nature should be kind and spread this out a little. I mean, being in a work environment where you have to pass the same people over and over and who aren't actually aware that you are pregnant yet probably think there is a serious issue going on.

People always have advice for you, especially unsolicited advice. 'I'm pretty sure that it's not ok to put your baby outside in the yard in a swing while you do housework, but thanks for that. I would prefer not to have social services called really.' I am most certainly guilty of this over the years but I have been doing my best in the last few years to not do it. It's annoying and psychologically no one actually appreciates it (Psychology Today). Apparently they take the old saying "It takes a village" way too seriously. It takes a parent or two and some very capable baby sitters probably, but the whole damn village needs to keep their noses to themselves and out of my business. If I want your advice, I'll ask for it, I promise.

Belly touching... stop touching the belly. I love my friends and currently I have no desire to tell them off for this because I know them but it's my belly. Unless you want me touching yours, hands off. The first stranger who tries to pull that had better have good insurance. It's creepy. Seriously.

Crying at everything is interesting. As a rule I'm not fond of crying. I'm not sure who is actually, but it's always been a weakness of showing that kind of emotion in my life (in my eyes in regard to me only). So, the fact that I cry over a commercial or an email but not over hearing the babies heart beat for the first time or the sonogram makes me wonder if hormones are natures way of getting revenge.

From the sounds of it, I probably sound like I hate being pregnant. Nah. I hate the crappy stuff that goes along with it but you know, be careful what you wish for and all that. However, 9 months is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime of "fun" right? I have people tell me all the time not to do it. (Kinda late people) Frankly if you are that unhappy with your situation, perhaps it's time to change it. I'm sure someone would love to adopt a 7-10 year old child... somewhere.

I adore when I am in a great mood (which is most of the time) and I'm singing and I can feel the baby react to it. That is rewarding and makes the other crap worth dealing with most of the time.

Cuddling kitties rock, which happens a ton lately. I love when they are laying against my belly and purring. It makes me ecstatically happy and I know this has an affect on the baby too. I can't wait for "it" to develop it's hearing so it too can hear the sound that makes all [my] worries float away.

Amusing anecdotes are awesome. I mean, everyone can use some of those to share. Despite the things that annoy me, I tend to find humor in most things. Maybe too much sometimes, but hell, it keeps me happy so who cares what others think?

I rarely use anything to manipulate the results I get with people but when you really really need to go to the bathroom and there is a line, you can often get in faster by using the pregnancy card. Trust me... it's for everyone's good!

Elevated moods are great. I may be one of the least bitchy pregnant women (thus far anyway). I've always been more warm (temperature wise) than most people so it's nothing new. Due to my Fibromyalgia, I'm used to pain so that's nothing new either though I still complain occasionally, I will admit. But I've been happy, even through the severe lack of sleep. It's awesome.

My nesting has been called unusual by a few. I'm not sure I'm truly nesting yet anyway but I have been writing a book. I needed to do research and so I've acted upon some things I really wanted to do previously which are Archery, learning knife throwing and such. Some people think it's my protective thing kicking in but in reality, I'm just a boy in a girls body and girl emotions. I love this stuff! I've collected swords and daggers for years. I prefer action flicks to sappy romances (but I do watch those too if they are period style) and I love "boys toys" way more than "girls toys". By this I mean I played with cars as a kid more often than dolls or barbies. I climbed trees and skinned everything rather than play dress up. I don't recall having tea parties. It's natural, that when I "grew up" I would continue in this vein. I love archery. I love the idea of shooting guns. I just don't want to hunt. So while I'm researching these things for my characters, I'm doing it for me as well. It just so happens to coincide with the pregnancy.

Nostalgia has hit me harder than usual. I love my friends and I love our old times together and I've been remembering a lot lately. It makes me happy to think of these old times. So if this is strictly a side effect of pregnancy, bring it on!

Overall, I can't wait to have this baby out of me, but I'll take it all in stride. I know that the after affects will be far more rewarding that the building process. They usually are.

The Saga Continues

From Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I went to see the regular GP doctor yesterday and  he told me something I find to be rather scary. It scared me so much I spent a good portion of the day crying and even called my mother after the appointment. He's been giving me medications like Cymbalta and Lyrica, telling me they are medications for seizures and things like that but they work for headache suppressants as well. Then he was asking me questions about other pains in my body and we talked about that for a bit. He asked me about my moods and asked me if I was forgetful or ditzy or anything to which I laughed and said no more than usual lately. He nodded and typed that up. Then at the end of the session he said he thinks I might have Fibromyalgia. That pretty much slapped the good(ish) mood right out of me. I only know about Fibro because of my niece who has it. I know it's not a pleasant disorder and I sincerely hope my doctor is wrong. (No offense Jodi.) He asked me to go back to see my neurologist and to get an MRA done to make sure I don't have an aneurysm as well.

I saw the Neurologist today, the same one as before as apparently other neurologists in town don't want to specialize in headaches and suggested I go back there. So I did. Well she treated me much better after hearing everything I've been through and that the other doctor thinks it might be Fibro. After we talked for a while she seemed to be in agreement with him. :/ So I'm going to be taking Lyrica and starting very slowly to see if I can tolerate it that way and see how it goes.

Needless to say I'm not a happy camper at all. My sinus surgery went ok on the other hand. I can smell REALLY well now. I was able smell pretty well before but now it's just kind of obnoxious. Breathing through the nose is better. Now if the nasal drip would stop all would be well. :*) Yummy. My nose still hurts though, but I go to see the doc who did the surgery on a followup tomorrow so we see how things are going on that end. Hurrah.

An end in sight...yay!

From Thursday, April 17, 2008

Ok, went to my fourth doc, second specialist today. Wooooooo. This one is an ear, nose, throat specialist. I explain my history from Feb, my history before that, etc. He looks at my CT scan and points out that I have tiny nasal passages. Basically my sinuses can't drain properly. He said I also have inflamed turbinates and a deviated septum (knew the last part).

So he gives me a couple of options. The most aggressive and likely to resolve the issue is balloon sinuplasty. It's minimally invasive surgery that opens the nasal passage ways by pushing the bone out of the way by inflating a balloon in again the bone. He's also going to fix the turbinate thing...not going to describe that cause it was gross and he may or may not fix the deviated septum, I guess he'll decide while he's in there. mmmm. So that's what we're doing. Unfortunately he doesn't have anything open 'til May 15. :/ And that's the week before my birthday. Boooo. Oh well. C'est la vie.

This should resolve the migraines and the sinus infections though...sweet deal. :*) Woot! And then I can go back to work and no more cabin fever.

I’m sorry, did you say fungus?

From Thursday, April 03, 2008

So the last three days or so I’ve felt like I’ve been hit by a wrecking ball physically. my sinuses haven’t really cleared up much but as I mentioned before the headache got less intense. Yay! So naturally I thought I was getting better. Well the doc says no. He says what I have can’t be bacterial, it must be fungal. Basically, bacteria shouldn’t still be here this long this strong. So he scrapes my tongue looking for yeast. I think good lord that’s disgusting. He finds some, I think that’s even more disgusting! He says it must be fungal. Basically my sinuses are clogged with a fungal infection. WTF!? Apparently I have been on too many freaking anti-biotics this last year or something and the last time...in November... all the bacteria was killed including the good stuff which is normal, but the good stuff didn’t come back, which is not. Boo. I would now like to strangle the back-up doc I saw who kept putting me on anti-biotics so much. grrrr.

Now I’m on an anti-fungal med as well as the 10 other medications I was recently put on. I’m a little worried for my liver at this point. :/ The headaches persist but that’s because the infection isn’t truly under control yet. And they put me on a steroid today which makes me very very unhappy. I don’t want to be a manly girl ffs. It’s short term though so if it helps this go away I will deal with it. But I’m not happy about it! Grrr.

I guess the good news behind all this is maybe if I get all this cleared up I can hope that all my illnesses are a thing of the past except the occasional sinus infection. *crosses fingers*

Oh and the weirdest thing about all of this is I drink a Dan active yogurt drink every freaking morning for breakfast so how can I NOT have good bacteria???????????

It’s working!

From Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I can’t believe it’s actually working!! My headaches have decreased in intensity. I would never had guessed a sinus infection would have caused a migraine like this. Never. Anyway, the migraine has become...I won’t say bearable because they never are, but with medication it’s almost ignorable for periods of time. On the other hand, I feel under the weather...like I have a sinus infection. Imagine that. I’m running fevers and not wanting to eat and just plain feeling like crap. In general I would guess this means I’m getting better and this is bringing things to the surface where they should be instead of buried deep down.

Great news too! Chris got hired on to do tier 1 tech support for a hosting company. He will be getting paid about $4.5 more an hour and this will be so great. I want to move out of this house we live in. I think it’s toxic.

I truly believe it’s one reason I have been so sick, why I developed a sleeping disorder, why things just don’t seem to go continuously well. You know like getting a new car and having it scratched to hell by little kids next door. Or having little kids cuss at your neighbors. Or having a little girl next door who is the devil incarnate cause her mother is too fucking lazy to raise her children. She lets them run around in the streets on their own whenever. When we move from here, I will call child protective services on them. I won’t do it now because they would probably poison one of my cats or something. Those children need to be elsewhere. I hate the people next door, they are basically worthless and encroach upon their neighbors at every turn.

My Duplex neighbors are great. I have no issues with them. I did at first but things have smoothed out. It’s always rough sharing such a small area with so many people. I think it’s worse when it’s a duplex vs. apt because with apartments you don’t have an control issues over who uses or owns what, everyone uses everything. With a duplex it’s like this part of the yard is mine, and that is yours, etc. After a while I just stopped caring and it worked.

Anyway, I am hoping Chris’s raise allows us to start looking at buying a home. Or at least renting a better one. We need to get out of this toxic home.

Oh and I’ve lost 7 pounds. Woot.

The Austin Special

From Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I went to see a new doctor today. My normal doc is on maternity leave, she just had twins. Woooo. She already had two kiddos under 10, she’s gonna have her hands full now. Anywho, a friend of mine at work with whom I commiserated about my migraines suggested her doctor saying he is excellent and he would be fine with signing FMLA paperwork which my work requires when you have been out of work for a certain amount of time. Anyway, it took two weeks to get an appointment with him which was finally today. I explained what was going on, 36 days of one continuous migraine, lots of medication, work lights, grocery store lights that make everything twenty million times worse, etc. He asks me some questions and does a basic exam. Turns out, he believes I have a serious chronic sinus infection that I was unaware of that somehow created some chain of events and irritated the same nerve/s that are irritated during migraines, thus, creating a migraine. He called it the Austin Special. All those allergies and sinuses building up and people don’t notice which it just gets really bad.

Hopefully in about a week I should know whether or not the anti-biotic, anti-inflammatory, and pain meds are working. If not, I’ll be on steroids too. Lord I hope not on the last one. Last thing I need is more hair. lol. That’s the current situation. At least I feel like this doctor takes me seriously and understands I’m actually in pain and doesn’t just throw medicine at me and says see how that feels and call me in 6 weeks. And I bet if I call his nurses they actually call me back. FFS!

You would think...

From Wednesday, March 12, 2008

So I went back to see my neurologist about the migraines...it’s day 23 now btw (not that I’m bitter), and I told her that staying away from work has been making them go away. It’s not magic, it’s just staying away from the lights has been really helping. I told her two guys who sit around me and another person I know have the same issue. Hell one person who doesn’t have these headaches hates the lights...more but one person who REALLY hates them. Anyway...she tells me "try to go back to work" so I resignedly go back...for 45 mins cause that’s literally all I can stand. And now here I am back to a higher level of pain and I’m not allowed to take my migraine pills because I had been taking too many. I am NOT a happy camper. I could have been done with these stupid headaches by tomorrow most likely had she just let me stay home yesterday.

Migraines, Weight Loss and More

From Saturday, March 08, 2008

WARNING: Personal material inside. If girl stuff freaks you out or you don't want to know, don't read.

I've had migraines for years. I believe the first one was around 14 years old or so. They have almost always been menstrual (starting and stopping with the menstrual cycle for those that don't know) and the very very rare one outside of the cycles. In the last year I haven't been having cycles because of my endometriosis. I pretty much just take my birth control every day of the year. With the exception of the occasional 6 week spotting because of being late by a few hours on the pill a few days in a row, things are generally good and for the most part, no headaches. Except recently. I've had a few non menstrual migraines in the last 6 months. It's rare and I really thought nothing of it.

This last period though, which was an oops...I ran out of meds, happened 18 days ago. I started my migraines on time but never stopped. So, I have had a consistent migraine for 18 days now, since Feb. 18. The intensity has fluctuated and such but it's constantly been there.

I was in and out of work intermittently which is really bad because each time I miss work is an incident. If they are linked and I don't go back to work in between, no big deal, they count as one, but I had a doctor whose Nurses said he would sign paperwork saying I was out because of headaches. When he got the paperwork to sign he decided not to, he didn't feel right about it. It really pisses me of because I'm not getting paid for the time he will be signing for, just saving my job. It's bullshit.

On the other hand I've been seeing a Neurologist. I'm hoping she will take pity on me and will sign the papers for me instead and help me save my job. It's just so ridiculous. I guess they feel I'm trying to scam people or something. My regular doctor is out having twins so she's not around to sign the paperwork for me.

Anyway, I don't see any pounds lost on the scale but I see it in my face and my body. I get nausea with the migraines and don't feel like eating a great deal of the time. It's a great diet. Go ahead try it. :/ The neurologist gave me a drug called Topamax which has a weird side effect of making people lose weight for about a year. My mom lost around 80 pounds or so on it. It's an migraine preventative and it works for depression in some people and for others it helps compulsion disorders. It's a freaky little drug. I'm the 4th person I know on it. All for different reasons, heh. Now if only it could regulate my sleep there wouldn't be any issues. :D

Before these migraines my overall health was getting way better. It has been awesome. Only reason I would feel like calling in is lack of sleep and I can work through that. I think they are getting better now that I've stopped going in to work all together though. The lights at work would make me break into a cold sweat and I would just get so sick. The headache would get super intense it's crazy. At the rate the intensity is going down though I might be better by Tuesday. Wootles.