Then, everything became about convenience. The faster you could get it the better. Food, clothes, toys, etc., you name it. It comes as no surprise that this kind of lifestyle has lead to 60+% of American's being listed as overweight or obese in 2011. (Article). I'm certainly not the first to explore this phenomenon and I won't be the last I'm sure. All this information merely serves as an appetizer to my actual point which is, I'm overweight but I am considered "curvy" by quite a lot of people I know. While I appreciate what they are trying to say, let's get down to the honesty factor here. I'm overweight.
Before about 9-10 years ago, I was very lean, but I was considered anorexic by anyone who didn't know me at all, and there were snide things said about me regularly by other females. I never cared, except when people assumed I had an eating disorder because I was thin. I was actually quite muscular and I was pretty athletic too. I roller skated weekly, when I got too old for that I went dancing several times a week. We're talking club dancing, but the kind where I would walk away from the dance floor sweaty because I had just basically done a cardio work out with more flair to awesome music in a place where I could drink too. I rode my bicycle a lot (less so as I got older, but still maintained the desire to ride). Still do for that matter. There was also cross country skiing, down hill skiing, various sports, outdoors stuff and everything else I was in to. I was even in multiple dance classes (real true dance) and gymnastics when I was very young. This meant I was always lean, and always hungry.
What I didn't realize is that I too adore convenience. I didn't think about food much more than 10 to 20 minutes before a meal. When I was a kid it was because I didn't have to. As I started to get older, it's because I was poor and ate whatever I could from my pantry and now, I just hate cooking so it's all about what I can make quickly. This doesn't mean that the reason I'm overweight is food. Not directly anyway. I actually love vegetables, fruits and I rarely eat the junk foods anymore except once a day or so.
I have Celiacs Disease. This means that I basically can't have foods with wheat, barely, rye and some oats and their by-products. You might be asking yourself "then what can you eat"? The answer is, not a whole hell of a lot in the modern convenience world.
As a child, I disliked a lot of foods. With the exception of Grilled Cheese sandwiches, I hated bread and I would always remove it from my sandwiches. It drove my parents crazy. I didn't like pasta, for the most part with the exception of cheese ravioli. I rarely ate or wanted to eat things that had gluten in them. I had zero idea what this implied. Back then, no one did really. It was pointing to the fact my body was already telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. Unless you have some unusual eating issue like Pica that makes you want to eat things you shouldn't you should listen when your body says 'don't eat that'.
9.5 years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who was selfish, judgmental and made me feel like crap about myself. It's my fault I stayed with this person and it's my fault I let their ridiculous comments affect me and how I saw myself. This person told me I was eating all the wrong foods and I was going to get fat, etc. I was often berated for my choices of snacks (corn tortilla chips and salsa - which is way better than the foods I ended up eating as far as calories and health go...),and chided for other foods I deemed yummy and edible. In the end, I broke and in my vulnerability I followed this person's advice. Worst advice ever.
What this person, nor I knew about me is that I had Celiacs and that I had been subconsciously listening to my body when it said don't eat these foods; as I mentioned above. Instead I ignored my body, and my better instincts and listened because I wanted to be accepted by this person. Frankly, even though it's ultimately my fault for not being strong enough to say 'go screw yourself', I blame this selfish jerk for making me feel like I needed to change to suit him. For the record, we ended up breaking up because I was tired of being chastised for my food choices and the end happened over a block of cheese. Crazy right? No. Smartest thing I ever did.
A lot of the issues started right away. Some took more time. The sleep issues started. I was waking up tired all the time, I was having issues concentrating and I was sick non-stop. Actually I had been sick often for a long time, but it got much worse after the food changes. After the sleep issues came the super weight gain. It didn't help that I was no longer working out as much because I was so exhausted all the time, or that I ended up getting a job where I sat on my rear all the time. Last but not least in the major changes category came the intense pain in my back.
At my worst weight I was nearly 220 pounds. It felt like people were judging me all of the time and I was so self conscious that I would effectively apologize for the fact I was overweight. Walking into walls has always been an issue but now I had even less judgment on how far I needed to be in order to avoid the walls so I bounced off them, painfully, all the time. My walk was weird because I was still walking like a slim girl and yet I would trip myself because I wasn't slender anymore. I hated the clothes I had to wear and became almost introverted because I had come to hate myself. I didn't want to feel like one of the people skinny folks made fun of. I didn't feel I deserved it because it wasn't something I had done out of laziness or pure convenience. My thought processes on this have changed a lot but that is how I felt at the time.
I have an hourglass figure and I have never shown my weight like other body types do. I have always looked smaller than my actual weight which is one reason people used to think I had an eating disorder. When I would tell people how much I weighed at the time, they always looked surprised. Honest to goodness surprise. I went on like this for a few years, topping out at nearly 220 as previously mentioned. Then came the migraine from hell, the migraine that went on for 50+ days before a doctor finally managed to figure out the trigger. Then this same doctor discovered I had Fibromyalgia. So began the medication trials. It is because of this 7 month ordeal, I will always refuse medication unless it's imperative I take it. I will never put my brain or my body through that again. These medications made me dumb. I forgot my name on one of them. Most just made me dull minded and I forgot the English language, something I had always been very well versed in. One medication made me gain more weight until I made the doctor change the dosage.
At the end of the 7 months, I was able to go back to work. I was doped up on so many medications, it was ridiculous. I struggled to maintain a semblance of my former intelligence. A year later when I had more illnesses related to the stomach and intestines they discovered I had Celiacs. The withdrawal from gluten was excruciating. The worst headache I had had since the insane migraine hit and lasted for more than a week. It was only when I started to eat the right foods and came off the withdrawal, that I started to notice an immediate change. I started dropping weight like it was clothing. I lost 35 pounds in a few months. Then I discovered Dr. Pepper again and my weight plateaued. I vowed to lose more weight but I was still tired and I couldn't shake the exhaustion. There were times when I would fall asleep at my desk. I say times... really I meant daily occurrences.
Another year and they discovered I had Sleep Apnea. All of these issues have actually been tied together as doctors/scientists have discovered. It's a "circle of issues" one has when one has Fibro. Most are genetic and while a person may not exhibit Fibro until a traumatic experience happens, it's still there waiting for it's chance in the world.
After discovering I had the Sleep Apnea issue and I started treatment, suddenly I had far more energy. My brain was feeling better but I didn't seem to be sloughing off the weight. What the hell was going on? Surely, seriously, I couldn't have another health issue. That would be overkill right?
Unbeknownst to me, I was suffering from a medication induced depression. Ah the true root of my dislike for medications surfaces! Yes, you caught me. My husband and I had planned to have a child and so I came off my birth control (as one does) to allow for getting pregnant. Within a week I was feeling wonderful! The most like my 20 year old self I have ever felt. I was super energized, I wanted to go out and do things all the time again. I felt social, creative, good, all the things I used to feel. And yet I was still overweight. But I didn't care anymore. No, that's not true. I cared, but it wasn't my main focus in life anymore. What an amazing feeling. I started dropping weight like no one's business again. I was truly becoming more like the "curvy" girl some people saw me as and less of the fat hog I had felt like for a long time. I suspect that had I not become pregnant, I would have continued to lose the weight but as it is, I am pregnant now. Ironically I lost 15 more pounds by week 15 of the pregnancy of which I am in week 16. I suspect that after the baby is born I will have the ability to lose even more weight, hopefully down to my target size of 135 where I was at 27. Healthy, but not anorexic looking.
The amazing part of it all is that I learned it's not always laziness that causes the overweight situation. Regardless of how much of it is health related however, there is always that little bit that you have control over and if you can get the stars to align as I did, losing the weight, getting to the point where you can work out again and moving on with your life can happen. You have to want it bad enough and understand you are just one person. Sometimes you need help. And while you may feel massive and self conscious all the time, love yourself. I have friends with the most amazing self confidence levels who are not skinny little things. Just don't fake it. People see through that.
Being a curvy girl in a not so skinny world is not a bad thing necessarily. As long as you are eating healthy and exercising, then love yourself for who you are and not for the person the media thinks you should be. Screw them, after all what do they know about being real?
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