Listen...

Listen is such a powerful word. We use it with children, and adults. We use it on peers and our spouses and our customers. We use it for students and to give speeches. It's used for emotional purposes and in anger and to move people. Poets and song writers use it when they want to express something important.

Some people actually understand how to listen. Most people do not. Actively listening is something that we are taught in my profession, actually at my workplace, not just my profession. It is a unique place that wants it's employees to *listen* and to understand what the person that is speaking about, is saying, to listen deeper than the words that are coming out.

So what does that mean? It means I have developed the ability, at least over the phone anyway, to listen to the emotion and the words together of the person I am speaking to; to pick up on subtleties of what is being said. I have learned to care about the conversation that is happening because it means I won't be going home angry and unhappy all the time as I used to in my old job; it means I can relate myself to the person speaking. Usually, I can take all of these skills home with me and use them there as well these days. The one skill that is ALWAYS active, is the listening skill because I just can't turn that off (unless I am asleep).

So, when I hear that someone has accused me of not listening, and not even to me personally, I get bothered. I may not agree with what someone has to say, and when I'm at home and not required to use the nicest way of telling someone what I think of their idea or plan, etc, then I tell it how I see it. That has absolutely no bearing on whether or not I actually heard, absorbed and understood, what was told to me. Sometimes even, when I know someone is using emotional manipulation on me, whether consciously or not, I will even be less nice about the way I state things. Yes, this is not quite adult of me. I am aware.

I-can't-stand-emotional-manipulation. As far as I am concerned someone can take that form of twisting BS and walk away because they will not get what they want from me that way when I realize it's going on. I can sometimes also see the actual reason behind the reason someone is pulling this crap which doesn't help. Using others to deflect the real issue bothers me. But the long and short of it is, I listen. I just don't necessarily agree and wrapping it in pretty words isn't going to make it better. Having less annoyance, perhaps that would I'm sure.

Frustration is the leading cause of bad calls in a call center business and knowing the basic reasons behind them is always a good thing. But here is the thing, when I leave work, I don't want to analyze every person that calls. I will listen yes because that skill is totally ingrained, but analyzing the reason behind frustration is not in my life description and I don't get paid for it. I say that and I realize I still analyze things. Mostly after the fact when I am less angry and hurt at the situation. Go figure.

Anyway, I do listen. I even analyze when I'm not keyed up and being a regular human, not a business rep. Because I'm usually dealing with friends and family, people should expect to be treated as such, not as a customer, because guess what, they get the "fake" me, not the down the earth, non-giggling (yes I giggle on the phone... shush) and constantly placating person. That takes a lot of energy people. I'm not doing that 24 hours a day and it's not fair to expect that of me.